I’m also very disappointed that so far no one took me up on the offer of a free tin of homemade cookies for finding my grammar error in my grammar-ranty post. Was it because I said Snickerdoodles? Do you guys want other cookies?

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A Quick Question…

Do you think it would be appropriate to add “Professionally and politely able to rip others new orifices in both written and oral communication.” to my Skills section on LinkedIn?

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A Tuesday Late-Morning/Early Afternoon Rant

I received a professional email via my work email address. It was an offer to attend a professional seminar for a project management program. You know, all very professional. As a small little tangent, I am not working in a job even remotely related to a field I studied in college and I have been desperately looking for another job. Any job that will get my foot vaguely into the door of the industry I am interested will do, and so I have been looking at a lot of periphery jobs - like copy writing/editing. 

I read through this email to see if this program or training session would have any merit for my current job and/or company. If so, maybe I would forward it on to another co-worker if it was better suited to them and not me. The very first sentence of the Objective section made me want to cry. One of my co-workers has a dictionary and a thesaurus in her office. I wanted to walk in there, grab both of them, walk onto the street, open a manhole cover and throw them both into the sewer. Obviously this is were the future of our English language is going, so why not start now?

Despite being highly disappointed in a major company’s ability to both spell AND grammar check a piece of marketing copy before it is mass emailed to potential clients I decided to read on. My overwhelming depression only got worse. For the love of GOD, people! Mind your commas! I guess they were trying to be clever? Never mind the fact that the entire email is packed with blatantly obviously fluff text about absolutely nothing, but the insane abuse of commas killed me.

Here is in example of the worse offense: “Working on Multiple Projects & EPM, is also a cakewalk, if you become an expert on [Program Name].” There was absolutely NO NEED for any commas in that sentence. NONE. All they did was create a useless appositive that causes the sentence to make no sense whatsoever. This was also not the only time they committed this exact offense either. This was just the most disgustingly blatant. I want so desperately to print this out and grade it in glaring red pen and scan it back in and show everyone just how much they disrespected the grammar aspect of the English language.

I am not claiming to be perfect with grammar and spelling AT ALL. I have made plenty of mistakes. Some of them have even been present in emails I have sent out for work to clients and tenants. However, I triple check everything I send out. I spell and grammar check it. I even have my emails read themselves to me out loud over my speakers to make sure they sound okay and I haven’t missed any little mistakes (its awesome and if your email client has this function USE IT). If copy writing/editing, especially for marketing, is your JOB an email like that should NEVER make it out to potential clients/customers. Hey look! I used an appositive correctly!   

I have been working my ASS off to find another job. I have been sending out resume after resume, writing cover letter after cover letter. I have gone from applying for the job I actually went to school for (Graphic Design) to any job in and around that field that could stand even the smallest chance of getting my foot in the door of a company that offered the services of that job. I have applied for copy writing/edited jobs. I have gotten no replies (most likely because I don’t have any English/journalism degrees/experience). Then I receive a professional email like this? FUCK ALL OF YOU.

This just makes me want to curl up in a dark hole and wait for the zombie apocalypse to take all of you.  

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